apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
