I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
