so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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