You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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