shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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