I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize