Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
