i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
