I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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