Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
