Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
