Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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