I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize