last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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