We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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