Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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