Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
