yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
