i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
