sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
