omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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