Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
