i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
