I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
