i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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