The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
