Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
