break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
