I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
