I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
