also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
3 2 1 whiskey
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
