The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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