Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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