shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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