I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize