I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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