i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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