dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just had sex on a roof
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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