i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
