Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are we still banned from the library?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
