I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dicks are not precious.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize