Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
