If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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