I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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