This is not my ceiling
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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