my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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