Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize