Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
