thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
