She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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