Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
