You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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