I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
