so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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