so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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