And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
