the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
