Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
