Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
