none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
jump out the window naked night went bad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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