I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
