my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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