Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
