Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
