I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
