the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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