I feel great
I just peed on a car
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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