i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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