his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
