Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
