So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize