last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
