they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
