38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
