Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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